The invisible lesbian(s)

You would be surprised to hear how many labels you can find about women attracted to women: androgynous, blue jeans femme, butch, chapstick lesbian, diesel dyke, femme, futch, gold star lesbian, hasbian, kiki, bisexual, lipstick lesbian, power dyke, soft butch, sport dyke, stem, stone butch, stud, and many mores.

Quite overwhelming, isn’t? Even for us. Well it’s not a big deal, we don’t want to fit into any of these categories anyway. But if we had to find a label, we’d maybe define ourselves as „invisible femme“. If it doesn’t sound familiar for you, „femme“ is a term to describe a feminine lesbian.

Femme feelings

We aren’t into labels but lesbi honest : it can be very useful sometimes. But let’s get back to the topic : being an invisible femme. I use the term „invisible“ because of it’s interesting double meaning. To me, it expresses the fact that a „femme“ is in a certain way protected from mean and ignorant people since she’s automatically considered as straight. But on the other hand „femmes“ are also hidden from the LGBTQ community itself, barely identified by their members’s radars.

Between two stools

So if society isn’t judging you instantly for your sexuality, it will later. But you’re gonna need way more self-confidence and courage if you want to seduce this beautiful lady you fancy. She’s staying far away from you, thinking you might be hetero and you’ll have to prove just how wrong she is.

Coming out

One other particularity of being a „femme“ is the Coming Out. You have to do it again, and again, and again. All the time, to everyone. And of course, you also have to bear the reactions. Here are my favorites:

„It’s just a phase“

„You’re pretty… for a lesbian“

„Wanna have a threesome?“

„You just hadn’t met the right guy“

„I could turn you straight“

“You don’t look like a lesbian.”

“You just haven’t been with a real man who knows how to please a lady.”

Some more clichés

Other annoying fact: if you’re attracted to masculine women people might say they were right because “you’re obviously into men”. And if you’re in a relationship with another femme they’ll ask you „but hmm, which one of you is playing the man?“.
Well, between two chopsticks, who plays the fork? You have your answer my dear.

Let’s be clear

Being openly gay is constantly being the centre of the attention. Always having to justify your „choices“. And let’s be clear about it : being attracted to women is not a damn choice! To be honest I sometimes wished I could be straight and have all the advantages of it. Not having to prove anything, just living and loving the way I want to. Not having to hide, to disguise, to pretend. I could hold my girlfriend’s hand in the streets in total freedom. What a release it would be! But no, I am what I am, and I shouldn’t have to apologize about it. I didn’t make any choice, just like a straight person didn’t make the choice to be attracted to the other sex, or like a blond girl didn’t make the choice to have fair hairs.

You can find all our other LGBTQ posts right there!

January 1, 2018


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